ree: from http://undermine.net/tracy/mirth/icons/ (JJ don't judge me so harsh little girl)
I'm not sure what I want to write about, but I wanted to pop in and say at least this:

My local people and I are well. Weather's getting mild. Nobody has a virus, so far as I know. Come to think, my household got a little windfall, and a well-timed one too. Things aren't super-amazing, but they're fine and we're fine and that's better than some.

I'm still poking around the internet, up to my usual habits of reading without posting much. I keep on top of my Dreamwidth reading page and triage my Twitter at least daily. (I also check my email, made a dismayed face at the spam, and exit right back out, as a general rule. Sorry not sorry, etc.)

Take care of yourself. See you 'round another day.
ree: (confused)
I'm a bit unsteady at the moment, so I'm just going to think into the textbox until I have a journal entry and some slightly calmer nerves.

Or I'll just blank the box again, because cranky rambling is not my friend. Why not.

I got some stuff done with PHP and RSS, which I'll have to detail sometime when I can brain it. That took awhile, but I got it working and I'm quite proud of the results. Part of the code is some weird horror that doesn't make sense but does what I want; we'll see if it stays that way...

I have identified that I do not enjoy online systems that let other people see when I am logged in them. I get it, I just don't like it. It gets my anxiety thrumming "ahh ahh you are doing all the things wrong and everybody can tell ahh" and that is the exact opposite of fun. How badly it thrums depends on who might be looking and what they might think of me: strangers I can usually handle, but people who I want badly to think of well of me cause a sensation like a high-pitched electrical buzz that I can never shut off, because it's inside my mind.

(I really hope that sounds terrible, because boy is it. I'm not feeling my metaphors today; not sure if it's because I'm not making good metaphors or because I'm just generally not feeling much except "bleh".)

It does help to put feelings into words. Feelings are harsh masters of me. Words are friendly: I know them and we generally get along.

According to the rumbling of my belly, I should feel better once I have something to eat. That sounds good. I still have some time before supper, so I'll just have some carrots or something. Then I plan to pick one item off my "to do" list, get it done, and come back to the computer to check on roleplaying stuff. (There's a post I need to write, but I'm having trouble balancing roleplay versus household stuff that needs to get done. At least I'm never bored, right?)

I sound more like myself now. Yay! Okay, I'm going to go eat something and get some things done. (Generic plan is generic.)

EDIT: Or he can get home early and I'll get right on supper. That works too.
ree: photo of a woman with long blonde hair and glasses (thoughtful)
I'm not sure what to write about, but I decided at the New Year that I was going to have at least one journal entry within each calendar month of 2013. I am far too stubborn to give up on that so easily and so early in the year.

I might give up a few other things, though.

I'm uninstalling that forum I never used. It's eating up over half my allotted space on the server and it's not going to get used anytime soon. I've backed up what little was worth the bother. I still need to check my backups, in case I change my mind later, but I think this is a good decision. Keeps me from splitting my focus, now that my beloved Profusion is going once again. Pro comes first.

The vastness of my video game library-slash-backlog weighs on me. I am sorely tempted to chuck the majority of it into a box, and that box into a trunk, and that trunk into a river or volcano or just get it the fuck away already. I'm not usually like this. I want to figure out why I feel this way before I pitch much, lest I regret and re-buy.

I'm still not too sure what to write about. Perhaps what I really need to to simply shut off the computer, maybe put on some calming music, and get down to the nuts and bolts of what I really want out of life. (And gaming, and internet - but those are just facets of my life anyway. "The universe pretty much covers everything", right?)

At least a little of it is - well, I don't want to call it "pre-wedding jitters", because I am not remotely considering backing out of the wedding or anything of the sort. My fellow is a good 'un, a caring, reliable fellow, and also he is pretty damn hot. No backsies!

What's got me chewing on my lower lip again isn't doubting him or our commitment. It's all the rest of it: places to live are too expensive, I'm going to use up all the hot water just rinsing my long hair and it's going to cause problems, we can't afford to keep all our stuff so what do we get rid of and oh fuck we are on the road to living out of his car with nothing but a hot plate and a hobo bindle!!!!!eleventy-one!

(See, Ree, you type it out and it looks silly, because IT IS SILLY. Bindle. Calm the fuck down; it's okay; you're fine. Bindle. Tsk.)

"Bindle" is fun to say. It sounds as silly as my fears of it are. It's not as fun to repeat as "bunyip" - I can waste ten minutes at a stretch saying nothing but "bunyip" and I kind of wish I were joking, but I'm so not - but then nothing is as fun to say repeatedly as "bunyip".

Bunyip!

If we can't afford a place big enough for all our stuff, my mother will almost certainly let us store some things in my old bedroom. I'd been thinking about giving up the old NES anyway; this may be a great time to play a few things one last time before sending them on their merry way.

Bindle bindle bindle. Bunyip.

Yeah, I'm okay. I can do this.

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